


and, honestly

by Dubiousculturalartifact (222Ravens)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: (just visiting), Autistic!Ray Palmer, Earth-2, M/M, but also fluff, introspective gay angst, post-resurrection Leonard Snart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/222Ravens/pseuds/Dubiousculturalartifact
Summary: the thing about learning of other versions of yourself?it inevitably invites a little self-reflection.





	and, honestly

**Author's Note:**

> Got it in just under the wire, for Coldatom Week!
> 
> Once again, assume a convoluted deus ex machina explanation for Leonard's resurrection, in the classic style of Legends of Tomorrow's trademark ridiculousness.
> 
> Also, when I write Ray Palmer, he is always and forever written as autistic.

 

 

“In this universe, i’m a celebrity _chef?_ ” Raymond goggles, staring at the giggling woman walking away, with a brand new autograph. “Huh. Is it a fake autograph if it’s still _you_ signing it, it’s just not the version of you that the person is thinking it is?”

 

Leonard reads from the phone. “Four Michelin star ‘Atom’ is the brainchild of Raymond Palmer-aw, you go by _Raymond_ here, cute- the up-and-coming celebrity chef, who blends revolutionary techniques in molecular gastronomy stylings with comfort food concepts…”

 

Raymond grins crookedly, still looking around at everything, like a tourist. It’s definitely conspicuous, not endearing. “And your sister is the mayor, here _._ Huh. I wonder what his life is like. Or, your life? ”

 

Leonard wonders if he should share it, and decides that, well. Maybe he should. ““That's the thing about learning of other versions of yourself. It does inevitably invite a little self-reflection. I seem… Very settled in my life. I dont seem to know any of you, and I'm no thief. What was it? An engineer, with my own company. _Cold Industries._ Hardly Palmer Tech levels, but it’s practically respectable. I’m also apparently married, with a husband.”

 

 _An electrical engineer_ , at that. Isn’t it funny, that Raymond pegged that as a possible future of his, after knowing him for less than a day. From the looks of things, Raymond doesn’t seem to recall that, specifically, but he’s got plenty of ideas to share, anyway.

 

“Huh. That’s… Different. I wonder what caused that? I mean, that’s the wacky thing about alternate universes! That there could be such a balance of divergence and convergences… If we were all born the same way, which we would have to be, for our counterparts exist, but then the circumstances of our individual lives are different enough, that we become completely different people? That people we know in one world, become strangers, and vice versa. How does that even _work_? I mean, are there people who only exist in one universe, but not the other? Does it work like Fringe, where…” Raymond’s eyes are alive, just with considering the possibilities.

 

Leonard doesn’t answer at first, just keeps walking, and listening to Raymond babble. It should be enough of a distraction, especially with the way his entire face lights up, in a way that he hasn’t seem on him nearly often enough. It’s. _Nice_ , to look at, and that should keep his mind off things.

 

Except he keeps thinking about it, anyway, enough that the idea of _talking_ about it, starts feeling possible. Maybe it’s unfair, to kill Raymond’s joy by sharing it, but he wants to, selfishly.Leonard has somehow always wanted to share parts of his past with Raymond, ever since the beginning.

 

"Were you aware my mother died in a car crash?” Leonard interrupts.

 

Raymond shakes his head. “I just knew she wasn’t…”

 

“In this universe, Lewis Snart took the car that day. My mom lived.” Leonard says, with a viciously bitter sort of satisfaction. “Sure, it looks like she was a single mom, and money was tight, but I never stayed in juvie. Got into a Building Brighter Futures program providing scientific role models to young children. My sister was class president, and valedictorian. Organized a debate club. We got into good schools on scholarships. I encouraged my high school best friend, Mick Rory, to get into therapy, and now he’s a decorated firefighter and a mental health advocate.”

 

“Wow.” Raymond says, looking sad, and Leonard hates that. “I…”

 

He passes the phone back to Raymond, his tone flat and biting. “All because the universe killed my father, instead of me having to do the job.” “It’s not that complicated, really. Our pasts make us who we are.”

 

Raymond shakes his head, that trademark stubbornness rearing up again. “Maybe they _can_. But they don’t make us who we have to be. Near as I can tell, my past here is… Pretty much exactly the same, in my early childhood, adolescence, all that jazz. I just… I don’t know. I did something different. Went to culinary school, after my first PhD in organic chemistry. Never even met Anna, or any of the rest. So there has to be _something_ beyond just fate, or circumstance, doesn't there? I like to believe we can make our own choices. I. I have to believe that, I think.”

 

This was a mistake. Because it’s easy, isn’t it, for Raymond to stand where he stands, and _say that_. It’s not that he doesn’t know that Raymond has been through things in his life, but it just. It isn’t the same. They aren’t the same.

 

“So you’re saying my past is _my_ fault. You know _what_ , Raymond…” He starts stalking away, and a gentle hand on his elbow stops him.

 

“Leonard.”

 

Just like that, and he stops. Turns around, lets himself relax, because Raymond Palmer is _infuriating._ But he’s also usually a surprise, and that’s worth something.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Raymond says, and maybe he didn’t. It doesn’t mean Leonard was wrong to react that way, but Raymond has that way about him. About not always being on quite the same wavelength, with the way he talks, or anything else.

 

I’m just saying… Our past doesn’t have to define our _future_. I spent a lot of time letting it. Getting stuck in the past, or in what I’ve got to prove, to the point where I didn’t even let myself think about _having a future at all_. But… I’m trying not to let myself, right now. And you? How can you still believe that you’re trapped on a singular path? After everything? You destroyed the Oculus, you undid every power the Time Masters had, over our world. That was _your_ moment. No matter what you’ve gone through, and I wish you didn’t have to have gone through any of it… We get to choose, now. I’m grateful to you, for that.”

 

There they were. Because Raymond might come across as self-righteous, but it’s the shell over a lot of deeper things. Things like this, when he cuts right to the heart of a matter, and speaks plain. There’s something genuine about the man, enough that it almost scares Leonard, as someone who never had the luxury of it.

 

Right up until the moments like this, when it starts feeling like something different. Something he isn’t prepared for. He isn’t prepared for it, because that’s _not who he is_. It isn’t, and no amount of pretty words is going to change that. Not even dying, could, or at least, that’s what he keeps insisting on. He can flirt with heroism, the same way he can flirt with Ray Palmer. He can even take the idea of it out to dinner, maybe. But he’s not… Going to keep mixing metaphors that badly. What is _wrong_ with him?

 

He’s caught up enough in the train of thought, that he forgets to respond to what Raymond had said about him, at first. The timing is all thrown off, for anything flippant, so he skips out on that. Lets them keep walking, in silence.

 

It’s not awkward, though. That’s the oddest thing. There’s an undercurrent to it, perhaps, and they are walking close, but that’s a product of them being the only points of familiarity in a strange universe. The differences are subtle, but odd. Streets that turn different corners. The floating trains. Businesses for things that don’t exist, in their Earth. Fashions that aren’t quite right, too formal, too old, mixed in with the newness of the tech.

 

There aren’t a lot of other people he wouldn’t mind doing this, with. To spend time with, idly, with no real purpose. Not planning anything, not forcing himself to play a role,either to match up to their expectations, or subvert them. Just… Letting himself walk beside them, a little while. There’s something about Raymond that feels… Comfortable, sometimes. and he has to remind himself, all over again. That he doesn’t care about Raymond, with any real seriousness. True, ever since he’s… _Come back_ , they’ve fallen into the old patterns. Where Leonard flirts, and they banter, but it’s… Fun. It’s a _challenge_. It’s a game. Anything else is dangerous territory.

 

Because he’s thinking about other things, too, as they walk. About everything that’s messy and a little bit broken about his life, and whether any of the good he’s started doing, will ever measure up. If he’s even capable of anything else.

 

It had been raining earlier, but the sky is beginning to clear up, as they cut through a small park. It’s one that doesn’t exist, in their world’s version of the city, and Leonard takes a moment to savour the novelty of it. He loves the weather like this, just after the rain, when everything still feels cool and clean. He brushes a hand along the side of a bench, and lets his hand come away damp.

 

Perhaps dying had made him appreciate moments like this more, or maybe it was other things, that made that change.

 

When he looks up again, Raymond is looking at him, oddly. “What?”

 

Raymond shakes his head. “Nothing. I was just thinking… You can disagree, and I won’t blame you for it, but for what it’s worth? I’d still take _our_ world, the way it is right now. Even after everything that’s happened to me. I think. I still wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

 

“Even if it means putting up with me?” He says, and lets his smile be sly enough to get away with the question.

 

Raymond’s look softens. “I… Got a chance at that, remember? Living in the world where you weren’t in it. _You_ , you. And honestly? It kind of sucked.”

 

“I’m not a hero.” Leonard says, abruptly, because he has to remind Raymond of that. Because he might have died like one, but it didn’t stick, did it? Just like any of the other moments, when he’s thought he’d been on the path towards doing something right, and wound up… Not. He has to remember how there’s no guarantees this time around, either.

 

Except Raymond is still looking at him, like that. Like Leonard is infuriating, and kind of dense, but somehow… Still worth the effort. Not as a _project_ to improve, not as something who is useful to the team, or someone to put up with. Not as the broken version from an ugly universe, that got the short end of every stick, and turned out ugly and bitter.

 

_Worth it._

 

“Hero? Maybe. Maybe not. But you _are_ a Legend.” Raymond says, with unalloyed sincerity.

 

So Leonard looks around again, and remembers where he is. Remembers how different this _him_ seems to be, and maybe that says something, doesn’t it? It’s not the same him, but they share _something_ , don’t they? Maybe there’s a thousand versions of him, in the great spiralling sheath of the multiverse. One where he’s a hero. One where he’s a far greater villain than he ever tried to be. Ones where he is utterly, devastatingly ordinary. One, hopefully the one they’re returning to soon, where he can be… Whoever he is, now. Whatever that winds up meaning.

 

Leonard looks at the way Raymond Palmer is looking back at him, and part of him wants to believe it.

 

So he says this, instead. “Do you want to go out for dinner?”

 

“What?”

 

“Way I see it? We fixed the problem with the crack in the timestream bleeding into this universe and causing the unstable temporal fluxes, and it’s… Four hours, until the team picks us up. Plus, I happen to know a place that I’m pretty sure would let you and a companion, eat for free.”

 

“Are you… Asking me out?” Raymond says, his face suddenly vulnerable. And maybe that’s fair. Maybe his flirting had never ranged particularly serious, because he’d never really expected as ‘yes’.

 

There’s a lot that he never expected.

 

“Depends.”

 

“On what?”

 

“If you want to see it as that.”Leonard says, more hesitant than he usually lets himself be. Because somewhere, maybe as far back as after the first punch thrown in their acquaintance, he’d already gotten around to reluctantly thinking of Raymond as a _friend_. He’s not sure he wants to ruin that, even if he wants something different.

 

Raymond seems to think about it for a moment, before he smiles, a little crookedly, but brighter than anything Leonard has seen on him.

 

“I would!” Then the smile slips, and he starts babbling, because this still Raymond, after all. “I mean, I. So _you_? Um. I guess what I’m asking is…”

 

“Yes.” Leonard says, to shut him up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm @DubiousCA on twitter, dubiousculturalartifact on tumblr, and I absolutely love comments, if you feel like it. :)


End file.
